Happy Birthday
by your royal highness
Summary: He put the glass up to his lips and sipped it, only a little as he glanced over at his clock. It changed to 2401h, July 9th, 2008. “Happy birthday to me…yesterday.”


"Tony? Tony? Tony? Where are you Tony?" A familiar voice asked, from somewhere Tony couldn't see. He spun around.

"Ziva? Ziva? Is that you?" He asked, his heart racing into full speed. He hadn't seen her for almost three months, and yet it had felt like a lifetime ago, "Ziva? Ziva?" He saw her brown, curly hair swinging in the wind as she approached him.

"Tony…there was something I wanted to tell you before you left, but I never got a chance to." She said, approaching him and placing a hand on his shoulder. His blood started pumping again, and he smiled down at her.

"What?"

"I'm in love you with you, Tony." She said, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and started to bring him down in a kiss when the sound of a plane shooting into the sky and across the deck awoke him, and he groaned, glancing at the clock as it flashed 600h in green lights; it was still blaring it's little 'beeps', and Tony DiNozzo realized he had slept through his alarm. He groaned, realizing it was all a dream, and swung his feet over the side of his bunk, his bare soles touching the cold, hard ground.

"Knew it was all a dream." Tony muttered, "She used a fucking contraction." He grabbed his towel, his razor, his shaving cream, and his shampoo before heading towards the bathroom. He hadn't really wondered where in the world he had picked up his horrible 'sailor' mouth…no pun intended…but he didn't really care at this point. Everything was gone.

As he entered the bathroom, he noticed a couple of guys with towels wrapped around their waists, talking about women. Of course. Just what he needed, some more men googling over girls. He rolled his eyes. He had picked up Ziva's Ziva-isms._Ogling you balloon, ogling. Ugh, BUFFOON! You BUFFOON! _He grumbled to himself as he tried to quickly move through the blocked pathway to the shower heads.

"Hey, Agent Afloat," One man called, who was drying his hair with one towel, another wrapped around his lower half. Tony turned to stare at him, but didn't say anything, he just waited until he was ready to talk, "Sleep well last night?" They all looked at each other and laughed.

"Yeah, why?" They didn't say anything, they just burst out laughing, "What the hell did you guys do?" He asked as he rushed over to the mirror and gaped in horror as he noticed that all the hair on one half of his head was sticking up like a porcuswine…pine…porcupine…he corrected himself, and was a deep blue color. He fumed and turned on his heel, dropping his stuff, "I outta kill you all! Or arrest you all for harassing a federal agent!" He said, taking a dangerous step towards them. Normally, they would go running, but they didn't do that today.

"Aw, come on, Tony, we were only playing." Tony growled, his anger on edge. _Calm down, _he tried to tell himself, and Ziva's face flashed in his mind.

"_Tony…there was something I wanted to tell you before you left, but I never got a chance to…I'm in love with you." _He smiled and pushed the gaping men aside as he turned on the shower head, the water below turning blue. How could they be so…immature? Of course, he had done some other pretty immature things back at NCIS. Like superglue McGee's fingers to his keyboard and superglue his face to his desk…he sighed. He knew what it felt like. He liked being the prankster, he just didn't like the prankee. Maybe he should write a long apology to him, saying sorry for everything he'd ever done, but he probably wouldn't have enough money to send it by snail mail; it'd be too long. Sighing, he turned off the water, knowing fully that he wasn't going to get all of the blue dye out of his hair, and that it was still sticking on ends. He changed quickly and left the bathroom, yawning as he made his way through the tight hallways towards the galley to get his normal breakfast; black coffee with sugar and cream, a piece of bread with butter, and scrambled eggs. Occasionally, if he was lucky, there would be some bacon for him when he got there, but normally there never was. The galley seemed more full than usual, and Tony couldn't seem to find a place to seat. A bunch of people pointed and laughed, immaturely, Tony noted, as he made his way to the buffet line, where the angry Rita stood behind the counter, serving them their grub. As Tony got closer to the front, he noticed that Rita looked especially angry today. _Great. Just what I need. _He thought as he held out his plate for her. She plopped the eggs on, and he didn't say anything; unusual for Tony, he knew, but he just hadn't been himself. Scanning the galley for a seat, he spotted one in the back. He smiled and walked towards it only to be cut off by the guy in the bathroom, who slid into the seat.

"Sorry, Agent Afloat…_seat taken._" They laughed as he grumbled and walked away, knowing that there weren't any other seats, and that he couldn't take the tray with his plate on it out of the galley. He scanned the galley and then realized he was going to have to stand to eat. He ate half of the eggs, and then they went cold. Disgusted, he threw them out and went to get his coffee. He grabbed a cup and placed it under the dispenser labeled CAFFEINE, pressing the button. Nothing came out. _Of course. _Tony thought, _Of course. Today is not my lucky day. _He groaned and stuck it under the one labeled DECAF and pressed the button. The hot coffee poured out, and he reached for the cream, pouring it in, only to realize that there couldn't have been more then a couple of drops. He groaned and reached for the sugar only to realize it too was empty. He grumbled and grabbed a package of sweet-n-low, even though he was allergic to artificial sweeteners, and dumped it in; he wasn't going to drink plain, black, _decaf, _coffee. Yet, among all of these horrible things, all Tony could think was:

_Gibbs would hate this. Just because of that little incident. _

"_Agent Afloat report to the captain's office ASAP. Agent Afloat, report to the captain's office ASAP." _He groaned inwardly and started down the hallway towards Captain Evans office. He knocked on the door.

"Tony? Come in." He opened it up and revealed the small office. He didn't smile, no greeting nothing.

"Agent Afloat reporting for duty, sir." Tony said, in an annoyed tone. Not that he wanted to be there, because he didn't.

"Yes, Agent DiNozzo, I need you to help run surveillance today. We're on a loss of shipmates today; they all seem to be ill with some kind of sickness. Help us out, okay?"

Tony knew he didn't…couldn't say no, "Yes sir." He said, rolling his eyes as he turned around to walk out. He reached for the handle when he stopped him.

"Tony." He spun around.

"Yes, sir?"

He pointed to his own head, "Did you have a fight with blueberries, Agent DiNozzo?"

"Just a prank, sir." he said, and, before Captain Evans could say anything, Tony walked out of there. The bad day just turned worse.

Once in the security room, the little black and white monitors shooting out images of the 'fun' ship he was on, a couple of men turned to look at him.

"Ah, Agent Afloat. You're the guy Captain Evans assigned to us. I see." They smirked and laughed.

"I'm Trent, this is my friend Leon." He said, pointing to his friend, who nodded his head.

"Great. Now that you're here, you can sit here while we go and get some coffee. They just made up a fresh batch of caffeine. Later." They quickly moved out of the security room as Tony sighed and slumped down in the chair. _Trent and Leon? So my day just had to get a thousand times worse? Great. Two of my favorite people. _

When Trent and Leon came back, coffee in hand, Tony growled at the fact that they hadn't bothered to bring back anything for him, or even ask.

"Out of the chair. Now." Trent said, and Tony moved as Trent sat down. Tony went to sit in the other chair, but Leon quickly intercepted it.

"Sorry…_buddy_." Leon said, laughing, "What the hell did you do to your hair?"

"Just another prank, all right?" He said, exasperated, and wanting a place to sit. They sipped their coffees as Tony yearned for the smell of caffeine in his nostrils. Between sips, Leon talked.

"So, Trent and I were talking about how to pick up girls. And which girl was the best. You got any good ones?"

Trent spoke up before Tony could, which gave him time to think. Jeanne. He loved Jeanne, he had, but he knew it was only a mission. Like Ziva said…_ "Were you willing to give up your whole life for her? To be Tony DiNardo all the time?" _Ziva…oh Ziva, how could he explain her? She was something, he had to admit that. Trent continued to go on about the 'blonde bimbo' he 'screwed in the airport terminal.' Tony couldn't believe what he was hearing. They sounded like idiots! He sounded like…Tony stopped as he realized. _Him. _He couldn't believe it. They sounded like him! No wonder Ziva always gave him that look…no wonder McGee was never interested…no wonder Gibbs slapped him on the back of the head….he sounded like a complete idiot!

"What about you, Tony?"

"I don't have a great 'moment'.""Aw come on, you gotta! You're a dude…a straight dude, yeah?"

"Yeah," Tony laughed, "I'm as damn straight as they come."

"That's what I thought. Now spill. You probably have some juicy ones."

Tony sighed, "I've never had a 'great moment'…but I've had a great girl."

"Ouch. What happened?"

"Nothing." Tony said, "We never dated. She was just a great girl…woman." He corrected himself, "She was definitely a woman."

"Where'd you met her?" Leon asked, becoming interested.

"Work. NCIS. She was my partner."

"Ooo…" They smiled between each other, "Proximity. That's a plus." Where had he heard that before? "She have feelings for you too?"

"I…I hope so." He said.

"When you were with another girl, was she jealous?" Leon asked.

Tony thought. Jealous? Ziva? He didn't…yeah…she had been jealous. No, she had been worried. He remembered her clearly being worried about his physical being…the hospital calls…the frequent visits…

"Yeah…yeah, she was.""And you didn't go after her?" Trent asked, "Aw, dude! That sucks!"

"Was she hot?" Leon asked, licking his lips as he became eager.

Tony nodded, smiling, "Insanely. Oh, she was…" Tony suddenly felt the picture in his jacket pocket burn. He pulled it out and smiled, revealing his many copies of her bikini photos. They were his good luck charms, or maybe bad luck, but he kept them with him all the time. She had been with him all the time in his time as a senior field agent, why couldn't she be with him all the time here? He stuck out the photos and they gave a wolf whistle.

"God damn! Israeli?"

"Mossad. Assassin." Tony said, and their eyes went wide, "Said she could kill me eighteen different ways with a paperclip." He laughed, and they returned the laughter. Time passed, and Tony became fast friends with the two, even if he had been very upset with them in the beginning. Before Tony knew it, it was almost 2100h, and the small bar on the ship was opening up. Standing up from his uncomfortable position, his brain and heart fixed on Ziva, wanting her, feeling seasick and homesick, he started out of the security room and down the hallway where he heard some arguing. This was Tony's job. To break up fights when they hadn't assigned him to anything else. Rarely were people murdered on this ship.

"Fucking hate you!" One man's deep voice boomed through the corridor as Tony followed it, turning left and down another hallway before going down another narrow one where two people had blocked the entire passageway, one having the other's head in a headlock, pumping him up and down, "Take it back! Take it back!"

"Tom! Tom! Break it up! Come on, now! Let go of him." Tony said, putting a hand on Tom's shoulder. Tom growled, let go of him and punched Tony square in the eye. He staggered back, as someone went running and screaming.

"He punched the agent afloat! Tom punched the agent afloat!"

"I could arrest you right now, Tom."

"Hell no you won't! You always threat that, Agent _DiNozzo_, but you never do!" Tony felt his blood boil. Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. Tony had had enough and he ripped the handcuffs off of his belt and snapped them onto Tom's hands.

"You're under arrest, Sailor, for harassing a federal agent." He said, kicking him in the back with his knee, pushing him forward towards the Captain's office, "Captain Evans! I have Sailor Tom right here for you, I just arrested him for assault on a shipmate and harassing a federal agent!" he said, barging through the door when Captain Evans failed to respond. He looked up abruptly from his desk and groaned.

"Agent DiNozzo…" he scolded.

"No, sir! Sailor right here, sir. Assault for fellow shipmate and harassing a federal agent." Tony said, putting emphasis on his words. As the captain gave his speech, all Tony could think was, _Horrible day. Horrible, horrible day…and today of all days? _By the time that the captain was finished, and he let Tom go, however, on probation and lunch duty for two solid weeks, Tony grabbed his handcuffs, let Tom free, and then huffed as he realized it was curfew. 2400h. The bar was closed; what he had been looking forward to for the whole day. He slammed the door to his quarters, hoping that the whole ship felt his anger. He threw open his desk drawer and pulled out a little, hand-held mirror. The blue was still in his hair, and he cursed as he chucked the mirror back into the drawer before slamming that one, it rattling as he threw open the bottom drawer. He pulled out a glass as well as a bottle of Whiskey before shrugging off his jacket and sitting down in his chair. His eyes started towards the pictures of Ziva in her bikini. The second time he'd looked at them that day. He poured himself half a glass as he remembered LA.

"_Sunset ride down the boulevard…" _

Lies. Deception. Anger. Sadness. Hate. Love. _Mistakes._

He put the glass up to his lips and sipped it, only a little as he glanced over at his clock. It changed to 2401h, July 9th, 2008. "Happy birthday to me….yesterday."


End file.
